By Their Glassy Eyes Shall Ye Know Them

by Duke Amboy

Ordinarily, I don't do TV coverage. If my set is tuned to one of the networks for more than four or five minutes, I'm liable to leap to my feet in a fit of indignant rage and kick the screen in.

It's happened before...

But recently we've been treated to a one-two punch of tele-idiocy that deserves a little recognition.

A month ago, deep in the throes of the South Carolina primary, all three "viable" candidates filmed segments to air on WWE Raw, continuing the process of humiliation and self-abasement we like to call "taking it to the people" - whoever that group of mutant, functionally illiterate and TV-numbed blighted souls might happen to be -  by, say, throwing a gutter ball or getting all teary-eyed and, like, emotional and stuff...

So the kick-ass candidates were forced to deploy labored professional wrasslin' jingo and name-drop folks like the Undertaker. It was pitiful and demoralizing all around, without a doubt.

But leave it to John "Turncoat" McCain to really get down in that pig trough and wallow.

If you've got the stomach, just take a look. Unsurprisingly, McCain bestows on his target demographic the name "McCainiacs." Indeed. From his lips...

You have got to be a raving lunatic to get behind "Judas" McCain.

Fair enough, Big John. There we are in complete agreement...

And then, a few days ago, we were treated to the bizarre spectacle of a Lame Duck making a cameo on a wildly popular prime time game show. Yes, his insipidly idiotic face filling a wall-sized screen like some latter-day Wiz, W. came on to drop this bon mot: "I'm thrilled to be [here] with you tonight. Come to think of it, I'm thrilled to be anywhere with high ratings these days." Indeed, sir. Seems you might have "misunderestimated" the popularity and success of your little War On Terror.

Also, I should point out this little aside in Howie's gushing contestant intro: "Let me just say how impressive you are, not only as someone who's done three tours of duty in Iraq, serving our country - two of which you volunteered to do..."

Hold on. Wait just a mo, there, Howie. This "ultimate American" only volunteered twice. Yet he's got three tours of duty under his belt. I hate to nitpick here, but what about that third tour?

Might it be a little number we like to call "Stop-loss"? So familiar a procedure these days that there's even been a film with that name?

We could ask our redoubtable Commander-in-Chief...

What? He's gone?

Okay. Must be past his bedtime.

I think Nietzsche has this one pegged:

"Blessed are the drowsy, for they shall soon drop off!"