Only Madonna Can Save Us Now...

Lucky for us all, Madge, Timberlake (Justin), and Timbaland (not the footwear), have joined forces like some United Colors of Benetton JLA to save the world - in "4 Minutes" no less...

(Warning: Video link contains graphic idiocy and does not reflect the individual and/or collective view(s) of Team Blogsboro.)

How exactly will Madge & Co. save us all?

A close parsing of the lyrics reveals several pertinent clues:

1) "If you feel it, it must be real."

     Go tell it on the mountain, Flat Earth Society!

     David Icke, prick up your ears!

2) "Grab a boy, grab a girl."

     Apparently, sex with a random stranger can save our very lives. As long as we don't catch anything...

3) "Sometimes I think what I need is a 'you intervention'."

     On occasion, this can become absolutely essential. Just ask this person.

4) Justin: "At least I can say I did what I wanted to do."

    Thanks, JT. Marcus Aurelius would be proud.

    Way to philosophize the shit outta that one, bro.

If this all isn't sufficient reason - aside from the dubious spectacle of Madonna endlessly shaking her 50-year-old posterior at the camera eye (which, I'm pretty sure, would prefer to squint) - for you to set your YouTube player on perpetual loop, then I guess you just aren't drinking enough Kabbalah Water.

And you'd probably take Hard Candy from a stranger. too.

Let's Not Just Assume It...

Saw a show tonight on 48 Hours (which was produced by the same documentarians who gave us the fascinating Jesus Camp) called "The Lord's Boot Camp" about - you guessed it - a boot camp for teens prepping to spread the Word about ole J.C. (lord, savior, one and only escape hatch to Cloud Cuckoo-land) both abroad and - what is either 1) comical and/or 2) inordinately arrogant and shameful (depending, natch, on your own "perspective") - here at home.

Yes, that's right. They sent a whole batch of Boot Camp grads on a "Mission To Indiana" - because, as one of the tribal elders informed us, "Gospel says to go out into the world and spread the word. And, last I checked, Indiana is part of the world."

Hard to argue with logic like that...

Even more nauseating was the scene where Will Graham (Billy's grandson) rallies the kids with this nugget: "It's not about building houses, it's not about feeding people. Sure, that stuff's nice. But it's really about spreading the word about Jesus!"

One has to prioritize, after all.

Or take the scene where another elder, in charge of the mission to Zambia, says, in effect, "It doesn't matter what we can do for these people here, what really matters is that we get one of these [Western] kids to think they've made a difference in someone's life and, once we've done that, we can turn 'em out to spread the word."

In other Words (if you'll pardon the pun), it's all about the proselytizing. Spreading the word: "I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus!" in people's lives.

It's that kind of disingenuousness from the people in charge, the higher-ups and decision-makers who rather calculatedly use these kids' guilt in the face of extreme poverty and disease for their own purposes. Who, when faced with the scene in Zambia these days, wouldn't feel guilty? But you take a complex of geopolitical difficulties - to wit, ethnic, tribal and religious factions - and you provide a simple solution: Accept Jesus.

Maybe the kids feel like they've accomplished something - and they have: they've provided Zambian kids with shoes and tended their wounds. And then that all begins to fade to black when you hear their elders reiterate time and again that the philanthropy really isn't the point.

Despite whatever you may think about the kids themselves - my own feeling is that they ranged the gamut from well-intentioned and misguided (several of the girls who wound up in Zambia) to patronizing and self-absorbed (not coincidentally, most of those who were turned on fellow (but heathen) Americans) - it's the elders' disinterest in actual human suffering and preoccupation with producing another generation of like-minded zealots that really rubs your nose in the hypocritical motivations and the self-righteous rhetoric that spews from the mouths of these people.

Or, as one missionary girl says, when confronted with a young Mormon at a carnival in Indiana, "Who knew those Mormons believed so different from us Christians..."

Amen, sister. 

Serial Fun From Richard ("Lethal Weapon") Donner

When my wife was a little girl, her favorite show was The Banana Splits - a bit of period (1969) kiddie weirdness from Hanna-Barbera, with costume and set design by Sid and Marty (H. R. Pufnstuf) Krofft. Every since I've known her, she would tell me about its glorious, campy appeal and sing the "Tra La La" theme just to make me cringe. She knows my weak spots all too well...

So you can imagine her delight when she recently discovered that Boomerang (the cartoon network aimed at the Boomer generation - hence the cleverly catchy name) airs a hour-long block of the Splits every weekday.

Since we got DVR for Xmas, she set about recording (and forcing me to watch) every episode they've aired over the last month or so. Each episode contains wonky songs from the Splits - men in huge critter costumes with kooky voices provided by other actors: a beagle, a chimp, a lion and an elephant - played out over zany little skits, many involving go-carts romping around a theme park, or against loopy psychelic backgrounds: as well as cartoon episodes (from future Thundarr creator Ruby-Spears Productions (one that takes me back to my cartoon heyday)) rotating between The Arabian Knights and The Three Musketeers (featuring their kid sidekick Tooly - which by my count puts it at at least five Musketeers...).

And then there's the clincher. Every ep features a live-action serial adventure, supposedly based on Jonny Quest, featuring a young Jan Michael (Damnation Alley, Airwolf) Vincent, and directed by the man who would go on to bring us Superman I & II, Lethal Weapon and The Goonies!

From such humble beginnings...

Who knew?!?

Well, I won't dally any longer. I know how anxious you must be to get on to the clip. But, before you do, I'd just to point out that, in the premier episode I've embedded below, the title sequence takes up fully half the running time. It also features one of my personal favorite late 60s cinematic tricks - the rack zoom in and out in double time.

Look for it. And enjoy.

Notice they're showing Funniest Commercials of the Year: 2007 somewhere on televsion tonight.

An entire hour devoted to commercials. One full hour of corporate-delivery systems lionized as "entertainment." 60 solid minutes, not of news, but of consumerist shills. You'll laugh. They're funny. Yes, indeedy.

I wonder whether they'll break for commercials?