Only Madonna Can Save Us Now...

Lucky for us all, Madge, Timberlake (Justin), and Timbaland (not the footwear), have joined forces like some United Colors of Benetton JLA to save the world - in "4 Minutes" no less...

(Warning: Video link contains graphic idiocy and does not reflect the individual and/or collective view(s) of Team Blogsboro.)

How exactly will Madge & Co. save us all?

A close parsing of the lyrics reveals several pertinent clues:

1) "If you feel it, it must be real."

     Go tell it on the mountain, Flat Earth Society!

     David Icke, prick up your ears!

2) "Grab a boy, grab a girl."

     Apparently, sex with a random stranger can save our very lives. As long as we don't catch anything...

3) "Sometimes I think what I need is a 'you intervention'."

     On occasion, this can become absolutely essential. Just ask this person.

4) Justin: "At least I can say I did what I wanted to do."

    Thanks, JT. Marcus Aurelius would be proud.

    Way to philosophize the shit outta that one, bro.

If this all isn't sufficient reason - aside from the dubious spectacle of Madonna endlessly shaking her 50-year-old posterior at the camera eye (which, I'm pretty sure, would prefer to squint) - for you to set your YouTube player on perpetual loop, then I guess you just aren't drinking enough Kabbalah Water.

And you'd probably take Hard Candy from a stranger. too.