Bringing back an old favorite, a post from last February, because of its newfangled relevance. What with Oprah being the unofficial guru and not-so-little drummer girl for the Obama campaign, I thought it was about time to reevaluate her spiritual status.

So Oprah’s our new guru - a spiritual leader for the 21st century, huh? “She’s a really hip and materialistic Mother Teresa,” says Kathryn Lofton, a professor at Reed College in Portland, Ore., who has written two papers analyzing the religious aspects of Winfrey. “Oprah has emerged as a symbolic figurehead of spirituality.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m fairly certain Mother Teresa didn’t worry her be-turbaned head too awful much about her Hip Factor. As for a “materialistic Mother Teresa,” I haven’t the foggiest notion where to begin parsing the subtleties of that one… Then again, I didn’t attend Reed College and have the (doubtlessly) enviable chance to sit at the feet of Ms. Lofton. How wide my eyes would’ve been opened!

Apparently, it isn’t enough for Mizz Winfrey to be allowed to come into our homes every weekday and sit her high horse on “countless issues from serious to frivolous”…Or to browbeat us with recommendations on books that will affirm our life and attest to the indomitable fortitude of the human spirit.

Now there will be roadside shrines, from which incense and the burnt offerings of Dr Phil books can waft their way Chicagowards. Compulsory weekly viewing of at least one episode of her show, followed by a “pop quiz” - no one will “fail,” but those who perform poorly will be sentenced to community service: informing all who come too close to the Oprah Recommends section of their local B&N about how one of the selections “empowered my existence…”

Republicans will lobby to have Oprah posters put up in every classroom. The Dalai Lama will travel to Chicago for a sit-down.

It is a glorious moment to be a gullible, witless semi-literate cretin. Set off on a voyage to discover your authentic self! Buy more lousy books!

But most of all, kids - pray. Pray loud and long. Let your voices rise up. For somewhere, in the lofty heights above Lake Michigan, an answer awaits.