Top Ten Ways To Earn Money Blogging

10. Get fired from your job for blogging about your boss. The ensuing blog swarm will boost your traffic so high the media can't ignore you, you'll do interviews and get hired to blog by your old boss's fiercest competitor so you can spend all your days dissing your old boss.

Wow, that was the first time I ever wrote, "dissing." I wonder how it would sound if I said it aloud?

9. Hire some nut who things he's a pilot to "fly" around town towing banners advertising your blogs. (Does that guy look familiar to you?)

8. Invent the next big thing in software or gaming, sell it to some big software developer and become an instant "A lister" even if you can't spell your name.

7. Have every member of your family start a free blog that links to your blog several times a day. About 20,000 blogs should put you at #1 on Google and Technorati.com on a regular basis. Tip: Make sure all your family members put your Adsence code on their blogs.

6. Get the media company you already work for to add your blog to their company website. (It's nothing personal, just poking fun at a friend and mentor.)

5. Sell your soul to the Neocons the way Jeff Gannon did. Do you seriously believe he was the only wingnut on the take? The Neocons are hiring every day. So are the Democrats.

4. Are you a female college student? Secretly take nude and otherwise embarrassing (bare-assed whenever possible) pictures of all the hot, horny, lesbian chics in your dorm and post them to your blog. If you're smart you'll have your dorm sisters turning tricks to earn the money to get their pictures removed before their parents find out. A tip: don't use your real name and don't use any computer that can be tracked back to you. A used throwaway laptop on public WiFi works best. Another tip: Try to catch your dorm sisters while they're turning the tricks and they'll have to pay you twice. Run the scam as long as you can then transfer to another school.

3. Along those same lines, start a porn blog. I know, I know, but the porn industry pays their affiliates a lot more than any Fortune 500 company will ever pay you if they pay you at all. Porn may be the scum of the earth but at least they pay their bills and if my referral stats are anywhere near correct the term, "hot teenage whores" will pull in more traffic than "kinky sex with grandmas" any day. My apologies to all you grandmas, I don't make the best keywords, I just seek them out.

2. Start a gossip blog about Clay Aiken. Buy a copy of Photoshop and learn how to put Clay's head on your naked brother's body. You don't have to write the truth but if you even insinuate Clay might be gay you'll attract more attention than you'll ever believe possible. You know, he could be gay, right?

1. And the number one way to earn you living as a blogger: Blog from the public library. After all, most homeless folks can't afford their own computers. Your expenses will be lower so it will be easier to earn your living.

Of course, if any of these ways actually work remains to be seen but the nut who thinks he's a pilot seems to drive traffic even faster than spam.