SSDD

The perscription drugs I take daily to control my depression, calm my suicidal thoughts and temper my illusions of grandure have several side effects. One of those side effects is the loss of any creative spark. To the best of my memory it has been at least 3 years since I penned a new poem, short story or novel. I'm not sure which is worse. Anyway, here's a poem I penned in 2005.

Like That Still

It was late one night, the moon was bright,
and the sky was full of wearies.
The stars it seemed, were all bad dreams,
and I thought of Timothy Leary.
The room was full of mostly bull,
and I’d hoped to get away,
but here I sit, the same ol’ shit,
only difference is the day.

Yeah, It’s like that still.

Comments

[Dr. Mary Johnson]

Billy, I am sorry things are so rough right now. I like your old poetry.

For what it's worth, I know exactly what you're talking about. Dx'd with Adult ADD over a decade ago, I did a trial of Ritalin.

Couldn't stay on it. Turned me into a starry-eyed zombie. It killed everything that made me, me.

[Billy]

Dr Mary,
I'm glad to see you are able to function without the Rx drugs. I went off mine once by accident--- it was very bad. Very bad indeed.

I would love to have my creative spark back but the world around me suffers so when I return to my old self. So much so that I would think myself selfish and uncaring of others if I were to stop my Rx now.

Maybe someday a better option will come to light.

[matt at shadow of iris]

Well, if the drugs work otherwise, then don't break something once it's fixed. I mean that.

Still ... maybe you should consider alternatives if you are not satisfied.

Check out Thomas Szasz's _The Myth of Mental Illness_.

I used to consider myself depressed for most of my adolescence, then when I was 17 I gave up on society, school, and everything else, and somehow wrote myself out of it ... we each face our own individual quest ... hang in there!