Skills For The New American Economy

Hard times are coming to America's middle class and those of you with nothing more than a college education are subject to suffer comparatively more than the rest of us because us poor folk already know how to survive in hard times. So with that in mind I thought I'd compile a list of survival skills to help you along.

1. Don't throw anything away 'cause you're going to need it sooner if not later.
2. Learn how to compost your kitchen scraps for the garden you're going to need to grow. What's that? You don't cook?
3. Learn how to cook simple meals from scratch.
4. Learn how to make salsa. Say you're not into Tex-Mex?
5. Learn how to make ketchup. You can use ketchup in place of the salsa I was going to suggest you pour on your cooking. You see, throwing food away will not be an option even if burnt to a crisp.
6. Learn how to sew. You'll probably never achieve the level of seamstress or tailor but anyone can make their own clothing or patch their old clothing.
7. Learn how to ride a bicycle. And when you get that government rebate check I highly recommend you buy one of these.
8. Learn how to strip your own car so that it will bring top dollar at the scrap metal dealer. Selling your car in pieces will net about 100 times what it will net in one piece. And pieces are much easier to carry on your bicycle than entire cars. (Look, I know you're laughing right now but yesterday I started a new job buying scrap metal and already 5 people have sold me metal they brought in while riding a bicycle. One even sold me the bicycle her rode it.)
9. Learn how to chop and split wood.
10. Did I mention you're going to need to learn how to grow a garden?
11. Don't throw anything away. Yes, I know that was #1 but it bears repeating.
12. Learn how to make quilts from old clothing. Don't worry about fancy patterns-- worry about keeping warm when you can't afford the utility bills.
13. It'd going to be hot come summer so you'd better learn how to live without air conditioning.
14. Learn how to make shoes and bicycle tires from old automobile and truck tires. Yes, they'll be ugly shoes and the bicycle will ride really rough but you'll never wear either of them out.
15. Practice building houses from old tires, plastic bags, bottles and dirt. Yes, as a matter of fact I'm very serious-- thousands upon thousands of houses have been built this way and they beat the heck out of cardboard houses.
16. Learn how to build cardboard houses.
17. Learn the value of backbreaking work 'cause those kinds of jobs are always in demand.
18. Learn to like the taste of cat. And dog.
19. Learn how to keep chickens as you're going to need the eggs.
20. Make sure you learn how to say, please, as you're going to be saying it a lot.

If you need help learning any of these skills I can schedule classes for a fee or perhaps for barter.

By the way, welcome to Bushville.