Entry 1522

"I know!" he shouted. "I'll get President Bush to help me divide and concur the literary world. There's no way Operation Enduring Digitarti can fail with the President behind me."

And just how are you going to do that?" the mysterious lady questioned. "Don't you think he's pretty much got the Military tied up in Iraq and Afghanistan?"

"That's the beauty of my plan," he replied. "All I have to do is convince the President to be seen walking off of Air Force One with a copy of Carrot On A Stick in his hand and books by Billy will become an overnight sensation."

"So how are you going to get him to do that?"

"I'll bribe him."

And so he set out to get a copy of his sacred book into the hands of the President. He made phone calls, mailed letters and sent e-mails. And when that didn't work he bought a late night flight to Washington, DC with intentions of putting a copy of the book in the President's hands but just before leaving the mailman arrived with a letter from the White house.

Dear Mr. Jones:

Oh behalf of President Bush, thank you for your letter.

The President appreciates the interest and thought which prompted you to write. However, because the President is unable to read I must decline your request.

I am sorry this must be a disappointing response. Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely, Deborah K. Hair Special Assistant to the President Director of Correspondence and Presidential Messages

"Dumbass President... probably can't even read the check I sent him."