Get a knife.

Stay tuned for the How To Of The Day.

Well ain't that just about the dumbest fear anyone could ever come up with?

It's easy, quit your job!

Do I really need to tell you? Get the hell out!

This has been another Billy's How To Of The Day. Remember: If Billy can't fix it you don't need it.

Carefully, very carefully.

Billy's How To Of The Day has been brought to you by... Yeah, as if anyone would sponsor this crap.

Borders Books And Music admitted this morning to being broke and was forced to ask their largest stockholder, Pershing Square Capital Management, who agreed to loan Borders $42.5 million. Pershing Square will also receive options to buy a 19.99 percent stake in the company at $7 a share.

An emergency sale to Barnes & Nobel is being considered but Barnes & Nobel has yet to be approached.

Could this be good news for locally owned book sellers or simply another sign that the economy as well as the publishing industry are headed straight down the tubes?

Oh well, I've got the chickens and we're putting in the biggest garden ever this year. The weapons are all in working order and I've plenty of ammo. My motorized bicycle gets 200 miles per gallon. Time to tune up the solar hot water heater. I've probably got enough but need to store more rain water just in case. I guess I can survive without air conditioning this summer and I'll have the passive whole house solar heating system finished before next fall. Anybody need any steel bars welded up for your windows and doors? If you're not too picky I can weld them from scrap and barter them. If you want pretty you'll have to pay in cash... or gold.

Maybe I should switch to writing how to books and teaching urban survival classes?

Close your eyes.

Warning: Do not attempt while moving through time or space as death or personal injury could result.

Stay tuned for the How To Of The Day.

Billy's motto has always been, "If I can't fix it you don't need it," and while growing up in his beloved Southland he became well versed in the ways of doing what one must do. For Billy, grammar is no exception and he is happy to explain to you how you can use they're, there and their with the following example:

"Thar, that should fix it. Thar going to be mighty pleased now that that-thar-grammar is back under thar control."

That's just lame, anyone can paint a sign on a car but if you really want a ride that attracts attention then watch this instructional video then go to StreetPlanes.com.

Remember: If Billy can't fix it you don't need it.

For starters, don't buy replacement windows for your home. That is, unless your old windows are beyond repair. If you need someone to restore your antique windows I suggest you contact my friend David if you happen to live in the Southland. I've worked for David in the past and can promise you that MOST antique windows can be restored cheaper than they can be replaced.

If you must replace your windows then I recommend you buy the best wooden windows money can buy. Most contractors will say I'm wrong but that is because they don't know how to build and repair windows. Building and repairing windows is very different from replacing windows. Forget aluminum and vinyl clad windows because they're crap. And if you don't believe me then before you buy those replacement windows make sure your contract states in writing that single panes of glass can be replaced without replacing an entire sash or entire window because when you have to shell out hundreds of dollars to replace a window pane that only costs $4.oo you'll understand why I say they're crap.

All the years of energy efficient savings that the salesman claims you will save from those aluminum or vinyl clad windows will go straight down the crapper the first time some kid tosses a rock or hits a home run through that 4 dollar piece of glass.

And as far as energy efficiency goes; Good fitting wooden windows with properly installed storm windows are more energy efficient than double or triple pane glass will ever be.

I've been collecting old windows and salvage lumber others throw away ss part of a green room project for my home and this morning I began the process of dismantling several dozen old windows. Among them were several aluminum and vinyl clad windows and in some of them it is impossible to remove the glass without breaking it and others require the sashes to be destroyed in order to remove the glass. If you've ever dismantled and repaired old windows then you'll know what I mean. Soon, I'll have a new green room and all I'll need buy is paint.

What? There's cookie dough that's not edible? Maybe you should think about giving up cookies!

This edition of If Billy Can't Fix It You Don't Need It. known in other circles as Billy's How To Of The Day, has been made possible by dumb asses everywhere.

Remember what Billy always says, "As long as there are dumb asses I'll still have a job."