Tarheel Tavern Open For Business
Jun 4, 2005 at 10:36PM 
This Week’s Tarheel Tavern:
Aliens Invade The Blogosphere!
Good news and bad news permeates the Blogosphere this week but the Tarheel Tavern is packed and folks are talking about it. Let’s listen in on what’s being said this week in this speak-easy.
If you had any doubts as to the existence of aliens then check out this evidence presented by Jerry McClough. Jerry is greatly concerned and rightly so. Not only are aliens in the Blogosphere but they’ve taken control of North Carolina state government and are planning to make slaves of all of us. Everyone in the tavern agrees that’s what’s up for sure.
From the Charlotte Capitalist, Andy Clarkson reports on aliens who are working to use the merger of US. Airways and America West to control the friendly skies of Charlotte Douglas Airport. There’s some strange goings-on down there in the Queen City.
Phin told us all a story about the time he was attacked by an alien. He’s lucky to have survived such an attack. Overhead we heard what we thought were alien spaceships and everyone was suddenly quiet. No one dared look outside, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re targeting him again. Be careful, Phin.
North Carolina author, Valerie Nieman writes of aliens called arthropods who have learned to make their homes on the ocean floor, but warns they often travel very close to shore. She even has pictures which leads one to ask, “Are you sure it’s safe to go back into the water?”
About that time. Anonymoses, AKA: Dave Beckwith of Charlotte came running in shouting, “Aliens ate my Blogosphere! Aliens ate my Blogosphere! I need a drink!” at which point the bartender served Dave a dozen or so PBRs in which to drown his sorrow. I must admit it was really hard to see the normally jovial and fun Dave so bummed-out like that. As Dave finished his last beer he began to mumble something about how Ogre had been given a test that proved Ogre is in-fact an alien himself. Knowing Ogre, we put it all down to the PBRs Dave had been drinking but you can decide about Ogre for yourself. Moments later Dave fell from his barstool and the barmaids dragged him to a booth in the back where he remains sleeping it off while Ogre laughed out loud from across the bar.
At this point things were seeming pretty gloomy around the tavern until Michael spoke-up from over in the corner of the tavern. Michael tells of the risks involved in this battle against the aliens and what we can do to avert much of that risk. It was then we voted to make Michael a general in the Blogger Resistance as we continue to fight the invaders. While you’re there be sure to check out part one as well.
Chris Weaver came in looking like he had been hit in the head with a hockey puck. Val screamed, “Chris, are you okay?”
Chris said it was only a flesh wound and told us how the aliens had been messing with his real job as a photo journalist working for the local television station in High Point, but the high point of his report was how a local politician turned blogger had helped save the day. You can bet we all felt better after hearing that Chris is okay and all is not lost here in the Blogosphere.
Then Marie came in from high along the Blue Ridge Mountains near Boone, North Carolina. Marie-- a real-life photojournalist by day and by night, an excellent alien fighter with many alien pelts under her belt-- took the time to photograph this alien sniper before knocking him from his perch with some sort of sonic wave weapon she’s been testing recently. Judging from her results, those aliens don’t stand a chance in Watauga County.
Chewie may be an alien herself but as she points out in a post about her father, aliens have feelings too. It’s indeed good to know that we’ve got somebody like Chewie on the inside to help us with this fight. Now you know why Chewie must keep her identity a secret. It’s our hope that most of the aliens are more like Chewie and less like those aliens in Washington.
While it may be true that the aliens control the radio airwaves through the mega-giants like Sony and Clear Channel, Screwy Hoolie came down from high in the mountains to tell us of Free Asheville Radio-- a pirate radio station in his own hometown that manages to get past the aliens efforts to block signals and control media world-wide. Keep up the good fight, Hoolie.
In nearby Chapel Hill, Bora uses the forum at IdeaConsultants.org to point out how carnivals like the Tarheel Tavern and others are helping to keep bloggers in control of the Blogosphere. Then Bora bought a round for the house. Chocolate milk-- my favorite. I wonder, does it still come from brown cows?
Greensboro artist Mary Layton tells us of a recent gathering of Greensboro bloggers to figure out a plan to defeat the aliens under the guise of a charity fund raiser. While you’re there why not check out some of her original art works as well.
Ron Hudson tells us of aliens who accosted him in elevators with buttons rigged to only go up. (Presumably so people could be forced onto space ships parked atop high buildings all over the world where their presence is hidden by smoke, smog, fog, and low clouds.) Ron was lucky to escape with his life and offers this advice on how to override the elevator commands should this sort of alien attack ever happen to you.
It was late when Jude, AKA: Iddybud, came walking in stating that she had intercepted an alien communication that was written in the form of a poem. It was good to know that at least some of the aliens really do love us even if those who lead them are in-fact planning to kill us all when they take over the world. Thank goodness for folks like Jude who is smart enough to communicate with the aliens and figure out which aliens are on our side.
We were just about to call it a night when Deepthroat (Maximilian Longley) called the bar from Durham, looking for someone to tell his story to. As we listened on the speaker phone it became apparent that we couldn’t hear what Deepthroat was telling us because someone had forgotten to turn off the TV news program that was blasting loudly from the back of the tavern. If any of you know who Deepthroat is, perhaps you can encourage him to call the Tarheel Tavern again sometime.
And finally, Billy The Blogging Poet (That’s me, Ya’ll!) told us about this place called the Red Hook Community Justice Center where the fight to save us from the aliens is working and how we could be doing the same here in the Tarheel State. You see, there really is hope after all. So the fight goes on but our cause is just, and as long as the Tarheel Tavern remains standing-- even if it’s only in our minds-- the battle to save Earth and the Blogosphere will not be lost. Why not come join-us and together we shall all go down in infamy. Or not.
Next week’s Tarheel Tavern Host will be the lovely Miss Waterfall from Waynesville, way up on high in the mountains of North Carolina where she scans the skies watching for alien spacecraft approaching from the West. Be sure to check her out.
What more traffic on your blog? If you’re blogging from the Tarheel State (North Carolina) you may sign up to participate in or host the Tarheel Tavern and you’ll see tons of new readers. Hurry up and get your name on the list before it’s too late.
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Reader Comments (11)
and the beans
and the taters.
Looking at you with googly eyes
(no, I mean yahooly eyes)
I apostrophize
to the lightning.
Godly work, young Milton!
As I plough into the layers, I shall think of you,
and your beard, and your smiling eyes
writing,
and hope to enjoin our joy
in a matrix of sensibility
so light the sprite might take flight
and light upon your dreaming pillowed head,
and echo smiles of peace
in a world too oft'racing therefrom.
Trazhahn zhoweaab!
-Anon
of wit he has no dirth
masked as an alien
we know he's just playin'
'cause that beard shields a spirit of mirth.
Thanks for a great tavern visit, Billy! I'm drunk with pleasure and no hangover to worry about!
It's a big dirty job that you did beautifully.