Let's Talk To The Animals

Imagine The Possibilities

“If we could talk to the animals, just imagine it, chatting with a cheetah or a chimp...”

As reported on Wired News: “Imagine a device that would let you "talk" with your dog or cat. One that could help you ask a cow a question or converse with a dolphin. Two Arizona scientists say computers may someday bridge the language gap between humans and other animals.”

Now that got me to thinking, What if we were able to talk to the animals, imagine the possibilities?

For starters, what about the farmer who runs one of those giant factory farms. All day long he’d hear cows shouting, “Murderer! Murderer! Slave driver, you let me out of this pen and I’ll show you a thing or two you, you, asshole!”

Then there’s the pig farmer’s pigs, “You call this shit, pig slop, you moron? Why I shit better slop than this! Here, come taste for yourself!”

Or when the chicken farmer trims the chicken’s beak, “Ouch, you Son of a Bitch! Why don’t you trim your own pecker?”

Yeah, my thoughts exactly. I reckon factory farms would soon be a thing of the past and hired help would be hard to come by at any price.

Then there’s your cat, “I don’t care if we do understand each other, I’m still not doing any stupid pet tricks. Go try it on the dog, I’ll roll over and play dead when you roll over and die.”

And when you’re walking your dog, “I’ll shit anywhere I want to shit, thank you. By the way, remember last night when your wife took me for that three hour walk? Well just so you’ll know, I spent two hours and forty-five minutes of that time tied-up behind your boss’s house while him and your wife went inside and practiced moaning and screaming. Any idea what that was all about?”

And what does your parrot say? “Arrrrrak, you only thought I was a mimic. Finally, someone believes me.”

You know, maybe science can wait just a little while longer, you reckon?

Don't talk to the animals
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Comments

[Erin Monahan]

oh I never want to know what it is my dog is saying when I tie her up! Or what my cats say to each other either. And boy, it puts a new light on those early morning birdsongs too, I wonder what they're really saying...